Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird