my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number