Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.