They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
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Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
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I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.