His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?