do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?