Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
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The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
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I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed