Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...