Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
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The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
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Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?