Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.