Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?