I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.