that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.