Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..