Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
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Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.