Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.