Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.