The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...