His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
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Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
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my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.