my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.