two words...techno handjob
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"