Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.