he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
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Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
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Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....