I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.