angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.