He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
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OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
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Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know