So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face