I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Dating After Heartbreak
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy