When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
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bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
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I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"