Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you