Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.