Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.