Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.