I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
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There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty