I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
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Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
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There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty