I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"