I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
