Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face