Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.