Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight