I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina