I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
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I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
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im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place