there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me