I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.