i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
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talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
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I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.