And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
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Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
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She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?