do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.