They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.