How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
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We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
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I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.