I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.