Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
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how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
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I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.