This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
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Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
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Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover