HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
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I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
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Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.