Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination