the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.