Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Follow @tfln