Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
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masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
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Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.