Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.