I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib