I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
I dont know to explain this.
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I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
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it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place