I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
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Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
I dont know to explain this.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
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Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk