We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.