all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking