I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.