You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
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My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
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Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms