"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry