I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
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You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
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Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?