He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
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She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
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He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank