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oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
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