Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Ohio (440)

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  oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?

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  (440): oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill? http://tfl.nu/149i
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  I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.

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  (440): I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life. http://tfl.nu/cd1e
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  My astrological sign? Vagitarius.

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  (440): My astrological sign? Vagitarius. http://tfl.nu/0z0j
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  wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant

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  (440): wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant http://tfl.nu/01g1
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  i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime

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  (440): i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime http://tfl.nu/8e5t
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  I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.

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  (440): I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot. http://tfl.nu/w3xr
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  And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link

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  (440): And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link http://tfl.nu/gvkq
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  Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds

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  How much beer did you get for it?

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  One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied

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  (440): Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds (1-440): How much beer did you get for it? (440): One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied http://tfl.nu/6auu
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  It looked like if robin williams had a vagina

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  (440): It looked like if robin williams had a vagina http://tfl.nu/jvnv
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  Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.

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  Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?

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  Holy shit r u serious? How?

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  Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.

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  (216): Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks. (440): Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf? (216): Holy shit r u serious? How? (440): Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you. http://tfl.nu/xwoo
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  The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"

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  (440): The ticket read "Found nude in a tree" http://tfl.nu/6rf6
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  bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away

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  isn't bella the cat???

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  that she is

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  (216): bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away (440): isn't bella the cat??? (216): that she is http://tfl.nu/l83t
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  thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?

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  ... about that ...

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  (440): thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok? (216): ... about that ... http://tfl.nu/8foz
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  Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."

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  (440): Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect." http://tfl.nu/c4jw
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  tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.

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  (440): tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors. http://tfl.nu/wmwt
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