I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?