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The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
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