i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
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So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
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you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?