I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
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this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
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So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems