you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight