I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
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traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.