Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.