Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?