I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.