Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7