It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
can u get pink eye on your cock?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.