It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
can u get pink eye on your cock?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.