I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
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Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
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If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project