ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?