dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.