He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity