He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
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Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
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They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.